Depression n Co

Welcome

First, welcome to Depression n Co. We are glad that you're here, and we are thrilled to tour you through our company.

However, before we even start, there are some trigger warnings.

Do not go on beyond this point if you get triggered by matters listed below:

Suicide.

Depression and Personality Disorders.

Anxiety and other forms of Mental Phenomenons.

"Attention Seeking".

LGBTQ+.

Different races, languages, and different systems of spelling and punctuation.

Depression n Co holds no responsibility for any of the real-life matters that happen/happened/will happen. Depression n Co is purely fictional.

We take no homophobes, sexists, and/or racists, and absolutely no plagiarizers.

This is not any form of anything political. Please do not take this as evidence or use this literary piece to convict anyone anything.

If you wish to continue, we would love to accompany you through Depression n Co.

Demotivation

First off, Depression n Co presents you with demotivation.

Demotivation is not only commonly bought by depressed people, but is also an active tool to make sure you don't achieve anything - possibly decreasing your possibilities.

Trying to work hard? Demotivation could sabotage that.

Trying to memorise things effectively? Demotivation could sabotage that too.

Trying to remember yourself? Demotivation could definitely sabotage that.

Demotivation, as usually paired with Depression and all kinds of Personality Disorders, is somehow a popular pick, just for you. Specialised for you, only to feel the lack of enthusiasm at school, work, or even to show up at anybody's place.

Side effects noted:

Many users reflect that it appears to them that Demotivation is not effective enough, and wears off shortly after repeatedly trying to improve theirselves or find a new life. Many ex-users turn to new hobbies, new mates, and new jobs after a few miserable months.

However, some find it genuinely addictive and return to the Demotivation phase after a few thrill attempts.

Use at your own risk. Effects may vary for many.

Brain Fog

"Wow, that's cool." A young man in a suit said from beside as the trolley slowly guided us through the interiors of the building, "Sounds nice!"

The tour guide turned around and squinted at him. Then he asked, "What's your name, young fella?"

"I'm Mitte Keegi from Estonia."

"Great, Mitte, then you might as well try out this product here," The tour guide pointed towards the right, "Here, I present to you, the Brain Fog.

Brain Fog is another favourite product of our buyers. It is amongst one of the most common, including people that do not have Depression and others that have developed early signs of Mental Phenomenons.

Brain Fog, different from Demotivation, lasts for around a day per time. It is up to you really if you want to take it the next day to continue your experience. One of the coolest results of brain fog might be losing a job, decreased ability to remember, and the shrinkage of your grey area. It helps you obliterate your brain neurons faster.

However, of course there are side effects:

Several users have left a one-star comment under our product, Brain Fog, saying that adequate water and balanced diets would actually exterminate the effects. Also, some say that the reduction of long-term stress would make the effects wear off.

So again, take it at your own risk.

Negativity

"What about the other products that are even more common than the previous amenities?" A lady raised her hand.

"Great question," The tour guide turned around, monotonously saying, "I hereby introduce you to other products we have here.

Negativity could be seen in almost everyone. However, our Negativity is stronger than the other companies'.

The Negativity constructed here at Depression n Co. is exquisitely designed to piss everybody off again and again. Through reoccurring Negativity, you could achieve marvellous results such as aloof personalities, free Loneliness, possible Paranoia, and even more, all in one.

"Wow! Impressive!" the lady nodded in satisfaction, applauding, "Well, are there any side effects?"

"Nothing is perfect, so unfortunately, yes." The tour guide sighed, " The reported side effects are the following:

The urge to improve one's lifestyle. Therapy. Excessive self practises. Even more awful, some decide to take classes to get rid of their Negativity addict.

The crowd gasped, as we heard several people murmur, "who would do such a horrible thing?"

"Once again, I advocate here, that if you're gonna regret your purchase, you might as well just not buy it first. It would waste our time and your Personality, and all those disgusting positive traits you have." The tour guide rolled his eyes and scoffed.

BPD

“When are we going to get to the personality disorder section?” someone asked, “I would like to purchase borderline personality disorder qualities.”

“Great choice, actually!” The tour guide pushed a button as the trolley speeded towards a particular section of the company.

"This product is one of the most intense products ever seen, creating the most mental pain. This product is not developed here. Depression n Co. just sells them after the addition of depressive qualities. Anyways, this also has extreme effects as well, no matter good and bad." The tour guide then turned around to ask, "Are you well aware of this personality disorder?"

"Of course, I am a therapist," he said, "I have patients with this condition."

"Usually, BPD is paired with qualities just like HSP and Bipolar. Would you like some of all?"

"Of course." The therapist giggled, "But I would gain some other effects as well, right?"

"Indeed," the tour guide shrugged, "if you are okay with being sensitive to emotions, then this is just right for you."

"Great. I would be able to handle it properly." The therapist hopped off the trolley, asking the tour guide to sell him some.

"Don't underestimate this product. I haven't mentioned its misdescription of being manipulative conducted by the others and its insanity rate. Are you also aware of HSP's effects?"

"Yes," the therapist said, "what does my combo cost?"

"Not much," the tour guide halted the trolley, "a few of your friendship and all of your trust for humanity and the species Homo sapiens."

"I'll take it." The therapist nodded.

"Great, deal made." the tour guide restarted the trolley, "Mister, please pay for your purchase later at the counter by the exit."

Purchase

"I've decided about my purchase." I raised my hand as the trolley was about to enter another area.

"Are you absolutely sure?" the tour guide asked.

"Firmly."

"Well, then you're welcome to recollect yourself and take your orders to the counter by the exit, just like that therapist." the tour guide pointed at the ground, "But before that, do you have any questions you would like to ask about any of our products you want?"

"Not really, your tour was quite thorough, I got all my information there," I nodded, "thank you for your service!"

"We look forward to your return for premium purchases," said the tour guide, "the counter is that way."

I sluggishly pulled myself towards the counter, as I told the counter staff what I would like; The Classic Depression Starter Pack, starring Brain Fog, Demotivation, Negativity, Insomnia, and others.

"You're just in luck. This package is on special price right now. You only have to pay for most of your pleasure and in turn, we'll give you excessive pressure."

"That's it?" I eyed the counter staff exhaustedly.

"Yes, sir."

So I took out a spoon, and scooped into my heart. Scoop once. Scoop twice. Scoop thrice. Scoop until I find that it is hollow. Then, I stopped.

I put the spoon and the ex-me I've scooped out of myself on the counter, and the counter staff nodded.

"That's it," he said, "You are free to leave now."

River

I walked to my own company where the only worth of it is to earn money essential for life to continue.

Today, I am different. I feel different. Just like the previous exhaustion exhibited by myself, today had a bumpy and tiring start. The only difference, however, is how I feel. Something feels different within. Every fibre of me wants to stay in my bed.

Anyways, I still had to get to the company.

The demotivation really kicked in, I thought. It really had a strong effect on me. Not rushed, I dragged myself into the company building. There, we make commercials for other companies. I wonder if we would ever get Depression n Co.'s.

When I got to the elevator, I realised that something wasn't right. The mood was terrible and the atmosphere was tense.

Something in my eyes felt tickling.

As I wondered what it was, my eyes had drowned itself and the tear reservoir exploded into a great stream of river. A massive tsunami of pure, unexplained sadness hit upon my unguarded seaside village of ego.

This is what crippling depression feels like.

"Good morning, Niemand." One of my colleagues, whom I couldn't remember his name, sipped his coffee slowly, "You're late."

"Sorry." I put my stuff down, and darted into the loo, trying to stop this excessive Mississippi river flow that washed away half of New Orleans. It wouldn't stop, as that waterway just upgraded into Yangtze River that annually turns its coast into an active aquarium.

This all continued until someone called me out, as I finally ceased crying, successfully preventing me from creating a Pacific Ocean.

"Niemand Keiner. Mr Nullus wants to see you."

So I pulled myself out of the blueness and tried to reorganise myself, only to find out that the attempt resulted in no avail. Then, helplessly, I started my way to my boss' office.

The aisle leading there was rather long. People in suits, both men and women, stared at me for not being "normal". I wished I didn't care, but I somehow did.

I knocked on the glass door of my boss, "It's Keiner."

"Come in."

Slowly opened the door, I crept inside quietly, trying not to agitate any unnecessary moods.

However, the boss seemed like he was troubled with something else. He sighed, and spoke,

Conversation

"You have depression, right?" was Mr Nullus' first sentence.

"Yes." I could accurately say so.

"And you have had so since months ago, right?"

"Yes, sir." I have been making a deal with Depression n Co. since months ago, indeed.

"I called you in to tell you, this is the twentieth consecutive time that you have come in late. Have you visited a therapist or psychologist?"

"No," I'm not planning on doing so, "no, sir. I'm not mad."

"I'm not saying you're mad, just suggesting that you really should do so. It would improve your life, and your work."

I see what this is all about, "Did you call me in to warn me about my behaviour? But you do understand that I have depression and can't help with my own life, right?"

"Close." Mr Nullus shook his head, "Due to several concerns, I'm afraid, Keiner, that I would have to fire you for the better performance of the company overall."

"F- fire?" The word hit my brain blank, as the sound of Mr Nullus echoed through my ears.

"Yes, unfortunately."

"But-"

"You can't always use depression as an excuse, there are others that deserve to be paid the same as you. I have already been generous for months," said Mr Nullus.

I nodded.

"Fine."

Die

The plaza in front of Depression n Co. is filled with people I didn't know.

They were holding signs and fabrics writing to advocate the demolition of the very company. I decided to become one of them, as Depression has ruined my life.

I climbed onto a car top, as I commanded, "Someone bring me an axe!" as some other guy actually handed the tool I demanded to me.

"Let's actually tear this damn place down!" I hollered.

"Tear it down!" Everyone repeated, as we ran towards the gigantic metal fence guarded by security forces.

Both sides were outrageous, hitting each other with their very own weapons.

"Tear them down!"

Someone shouted, "Die! Depression n Co.!"

In the chaos, I made my way past the gate and got inside the main building. And there it was, the very trolley I had taken once.

And there he was, the very tour guide that took us.

He looked at me panically, as I sprinted towards him with an axe in my hand. He looked frightened and pale.

"Stop!" I exclaimed, "Or I'll kill whoever you are!"

"Please don't kill me!" The tour guide said.

I pulled the veil off his head, and took a great look at his face, as I was surprised to see the presence of a person exactly identical to me.

"Me?" I tilted my head.

"I'm merely a projection of whoever caused you depression!" the tour guide yelled, "Let me go! I hold no responsibility!"

"Oh yes, you do," I howled, "you, I destroyed my life."

"You destroyed your own life!" the alternative me clamoured, "What's that got to do with me?"

"You are me. And I wanna kill myself so bad. So someone has to die here."

"Die?"

"Indeed."

So I chopped his head off gently, and awarded it to myself.